Full disclosure for my readers: This question is from a friend.
I know him and his boyfriend. Having this conversation would be threatening and uncomfortable for many couples.
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As comfortable as you or I may be with the idea of a triad and with polyamory, many find it scary. Most of us were raised by two monogamous or seemingly monogamous parents. Most of us were taught the rule that you pick one person for life. One, not two, and certainly not more than two. Do expect your relationship with your current boyfriend to change.
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For this reason, most of us get jealous and threatened when our partner notices someone else, or seems to be interested in someone else. There is no competition. There is no limited pie of love. There is enough love and enough sex for everyone to have their fill, so long as we let go of this sense of possessiveness and allow the people we love to be shared with others who may love and enjoy them too. Because you can hunt the world and never find another person exactly like you.
You are a unique individual with unique things that make you laugh and your own unique sexual experience. Why restrict yourself to just one experience? That said, once you and your current partner start dating someone else, your relationship now has a third experience to contend with, one that becomes part of your collective experience. As with all the experiences you share together, this one may change you.
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That may seem scary, but it may also reveal beautiful truths about your partner, character traits you never saw before, and make you love him even more. It may be the next level of your relationship, something that strengthens and fortifies your bond.
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The relationship with your current boyfriend will not be the same relationship you have with your third. You and your boyfriend have a history. You will be closer in many respects than you will be with this new guy, at least in the beginning.
People grow and develop and date and different speeds. Triad relationships can work, but its not for everyone. If you are going down that route then its important that the relationship is discussed and reviewed regularly. A relationship between two people in can be stressful enough, with opinions, views, aspirations and desires changing with time, and this has to appreciated and acknowledged prior to getting involved.
Additionally its also important that you are not being used by the couple, Ive coached and dealt with a number of triad relationships where the existing relationship was in crisis and bringing in another person is purely a diversion to avoid addressing other underlying issues.
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One of the couple may just be saying yes to please the other one, so its important you get to know the other guy before heading in. So start dating the other partner on a one on one basis is vital, and see if that dynamic works, after a few months of doing this you will have a much larger picture on how level the relationship playing field will be. Still, there is a significantly higher-than-average number of poly folk on FetLife, with a staggering number of local groups catering to those seeking multi-partnered relationships. Okay, so we've deviated a bit here, offering up local resources instead of a specific dating site, per say.
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The thing is, networking is key in this kind of search, and often times you'll find meeting folks at real-world events the best way to communicate and connect with like-minded individuals. With that in mind, try searching Meetup. The PolyMatchMaker layout is clean and fresh, and the options to self-designate are as vast as your ability to create them.