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GROWING up as a queer Asian person in Australia can be a unique and tiring ordeal.

Did that turn into a sixsome? Unfortunately not. Tags evergreen gay men dating. Read More. Coachella By Trish Bendix.

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By Matt Baume. Queer Media Training: All this liberation and equality is leading to increased bigotry among us. What does that even mean?

If you like someone enough, open your mind to other possibilities. Not everyone on a hookup app is looking for sex and even if they are, who gives a toss? Spare us your sanctimony, your grace. This is fine — nothing wrong with a one-night-stand — as long as he realises that too.


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We place a lot of importance, misguidedly I feel, on not having sex on the first date. If you feel it between you, then go for it.


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  • They still walk by me sometimes, these mixed Asian and white gay couples, and I smile as both men seem to project their insecurities on to me, holding hands a little tighter as they walk by. As a result, I gave up on the idea that I would ever end up dating either kind of man—the gay white man who liked Asian men was likely not ever going to ask me out. I remember dancing with a white man once at a club, and he reached over and pulled my shirt front down to reveal my hairy chest.

    Setting Australia’s LGBTI agenda since 1979

    He looked shocked and then turned and left the dance floor, not even a good-bye, like I'd lied to him about the goods. I like Asian men, he said, after this confession. It's why I lived in Japan, why I studied Japanese. I tried to imagine it. Having an erotic imagination so focused on one race of people. All that my ex-boyfriends had in common was me.

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    Questions I didn't ask ran through my head. Were you even gay if this is what your sexuality was? What was your sexuality if it was based on race and not gender preference? Especially if you were white?

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    He vanished after that conversation. We never spoke again. In retrospect, I think he was letting himself out of the relationship by saying these things. Either way, I think we both knew, after my question and his answer, that there was nothing further for us. I left him some phone messages, none of which he returned. I don't know if he worked things out with his Japanese ex-boyfriend or what; I recall checking on him at that university and seeing at some point he had been given tenure.

    Now when I look for him, there's no sign of him.

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    It's hard for me to say what it meant to me, the time you spent looking over my family books. I'm writing to my grandfather this afternoon and will write the character on the envelope, and even pray for a little of my grandmother's calligraphy talent.